June 17th, 2005

»The Perils of a Salt Lake City Pageant Judge

By Robert Kirby

Salt Lake City Tribune

When Carolyn Smith of the Herriman Arts Council called two weeks ago and asked me to emcee the Miss Herriman Pageant, I responded with, "[R-rated word]!" I have nothing against "beauty" pageants. I do have everything against getting drubbed afterward by sobbing contestants and irate parents. You don't have to be one of the actual judges for that to happen. Then there's the little matter of how participating in these pageants makes me feel about myself: like Junior from "Hee Haw." Standing next to lithe, talented and smart young women reinforces just how much of a lummox I am. But Carolyn is a friend. Also, I probably owe Herriman something for not rezoning the entire city just to keep me from moving in two years ago. So, I said, "[R-rated word]" again, followed by, "OK." Beauty pageants - or today's more politically correct "scholarship pageants" - have their supporters and detractors willing to argue the right and wrong of their existence. Don't bother telling me your side.

I don't care about the difference between right and wrong. I care about the difference between boring and jail. It was interesting and nobody called the cops. My needs were met. Practice was fairly boring. Saturday morning, everyone showed up at South Hills Middle School and ran through their steps onstage. Because Herriman is small and the pageant fielded but six contestants, only a billion things went wrong. The lights didn't work. The music didn't cut in. The sound system balked. Musical acts failed to show. The emcee broke down and pleaded for rum. During practice, I watched the talent performances and listened to the interviews. One contestant gave a good humor monologue. Another went through a karate routine that made me nervous. Yet another said she wanted to be an attorney. None mentioned world peace. Pageants have changed. I'm OK with women who can make me laugh. But women who can flatten me and/or take me to court represent a form of beauty queen that will take some getting used to. Seven hours later the reigning Miss Herriman, Sara Pettit, and I were under the lights together. Young trim and smart balanced old, fat and stupid just fine. Our mistakes were minimal and hopefully forgivable. The same cannot be said of the audience. Each contestant brought her own posse. Whenever she appeared onstage, her portion of the audience lit up like someone using a Taser on a bag of cats.

Emceeing a pageant is risky. Judging one is just plain nuts. Given how dangerous it is to tell one woman the truth about her appearance, why would anyone volunteer to tell a bunch of them? Fortunately, I didn't have to choose. My heart already belonged to 9-year-old Kymberlee Soper, who performed a ballet thing during intermission that made me wish I were 10 again and this time not grounded for most of it. The six judges tendered their scores and left immediately for the Witness Protection Program. After Sara did her final queen's walk, it was left to me to announce the new Miss Herriman. Apparently Rachel Jensen was just as thrilled as I was about the pageant finally being over. We both cried.

» Miss USA Returns Home Hungry

Pageant queen enjoys her day

MARK PRICE Staff Writer Charlotte Observer

It's reasonable to think winning Miss USA and making the Top 10 in the Miss Universe pageant would have changed Charlottean Chelsea Cooley into something other than a hometown gal. But Cooley, 21, easily disproved that when she arrived at Charlotte/Douglas International Airport this week and demanded the one thing she can't find in the neighborhood around her luxury New York City apartment. "We had to stop at Bojangles' on the way from the airport, and get the Chicken Supremes Combo with seasoned fries, a biscuit, extra honey mustard sauce and a Pepsi," said Cooley, firing off her standard order without stopping to take a breath. "It was gone before I got home and it was wonderful."

It has been a triumphant homecoming for Cooley, who grew up a baseball-card-collecting tomboy but became the first North Carolinian to win the Miss USA title, and to compete for Miss Universe. The highlight Wednesday was a midday rally at The Green on South Tryon Street, where Cooley signed a couple of hundred autographs, posed for dozens of photos and got hugged by countless grinning strangers. City Council member Susan Burgess capped the hourlong event with a proclamation declaring "Chelsea Cooley Day" in Charlotte. She also lauded Cooley's charity work, which includes being a national spokeswoman for the fight against breast and ovarian cancer. "What an incredible achievement you have made," Burgess said. "It took a lot of hard work, and that makes you a role model." Cooley gushed over the thought of "having my own day" and concluded by saying, "I love Charlotte and it will always be my home." The ceremony was part of a string of events Cooley participated in Wednesday. Among the stops was an interview on the "John Boy and Billy Big Show" (WRFX-FM 99.7), where she lent her sash to a guy named Tennessee Fat Boy and fielded questions about South Carolina's poor showing in the Miss USA pageant and Donald Trump's hair. Trump co-owns the Miss USA pageant with NBC and is, technically, both Cooley's boss and landlord for the coming year. "Everybody asks me about his hair," she said, feigning exasperation. "I attended his birthday party in Atlantic City ... It's not that bad. I never focus on it."

The bulk of Cooley’s week long trip home was spent in Durham, Zebulon and Raleigh, where she visited the VA Medical Center, threw out the first pitch at a Mudcats game, and addressed N.C. House and Senate members. Today, she will be at Paramount's Carowinds from noon to 6:30 p.m., going on rides, signing autographs and serving as grand marshal of the Nickelodeon Celebration Parade. Even though the city is experiencing some of the hottest weather of the year, she is loving every minute of it. "Summer here is what I've missed most," said Cooley, who wears makeup with SPF 15. "When I was in Bangkok, Thailand, competing for Miss Universe, it was extremely hot and humid, and I liked it because it reminded me of home." Visits to Charlotte will become rare in coming months. As the reigning Miss USA, Cooley will live in New York and travel the world, including an upcoming visit with troops at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.

She will also promote greater awareness of breast and ovarian cancer, a cause she takes personally after a friend was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer. Another cause close to her heart is AIDS, which claimed two friends in 2001. A graduate of Independence High School, Cooley was a fashion-marketing student at the Art Institute of Charlotte before her victory. She has not ruled out a return to the school, but her pageant prizes include a scholarship to the School of Film and Television in New York, and she plans to use it. "I want to work in entertainment, and that will help me find my niche," she said.

»Kudos & Did You Knows:

- Did You Know that over very own Miss Florida USA 2005 Melissa Witek as a celebrity guest for the Crockett Foundation/Athletes 4 Causes weekend, to include a kickoff party, dinner/gala, and golf tournament at The Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood. Here are some pix from Ms. Witeks fun weekend.

(click on thumbnails to enlarge images)

- Did You Know our alumni Ann Poonkasem is a cast member for the upcoming entertainment/reality series “Who Wants To Be A Hilton?” This was just released as her official bio from http://www.realityreel.com.

- Ann (Plant City, Fla.) Former Miss Tampa USA; Ann, 28, has the uncanny ability to break out in song at a moments notice. The former Miss Tampa USA attends the University of South Florida as a graduate student, pursuing a Communications degree. Throughout her life she has volunteered for various organizations and most recently participated in an event to benefit the Tsunami relief. Ann is currently working on new projects for the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center.

»Pageant News Wanted!

Are you a titleholder or at large delegate who is making appearances or doing good things in the community? We would love to tell all of the Miss Florida USA Family your story. Send pictures and updates to telair@aol.com as we feature everything Miss Florida USA on Friday’s at Faces & Places.

»Alumni News Wanted!

If you know of any Miss Florida USA alumni in the news please drop us an email to feature them in future articles. Email all info to info@missfloridausa.com! Until next week here to good pageantry!